We say this to people we know and love everyday. And that was it. But what if..... just what if, they aren't fine. How will we know? Do we not owe it to each other to explore the depth of what we are asking and genuinely seek from them a deeper response? If the true answer is that I am not fine, why do I not want to share what I am feeling with the person who cared enough to ask me this question?
"Oh, I don't want to burden them." "They have their own life to deal with and can't help me with mine." "I will deal with it myself." We all need to acknowledge that each one of us is a human being. A flawed vessel. Each of us does not have the totality of answers. Thus it is imperative that reach out to each other when we are in need of help or assistance in our lives. It is even more imperative that we reach out to others, especially those we love and care about and let them know we are here to offer any help we can in areas we may have something another doesn't. To support each other, lift each other up. Even if it appears they do not need our help.
In the past 18 hours, another bright light made the choice to leave this earthly confine we all find ourselves in called life. Her chosen name is Lisa. A name I cherish as the namesake of one of my daughters who spent far too short an amount of time in my family, yet made a lasting impact in my and my families lives. I have watched my large circle of friends I have come to know over the past several years, respond in this new millenniums central gathering point and morn our loss of Lisa as a physical presence. I am bewildered as to how someone who made such a positive, loving impact in so many peoples lives, felt they had nothing left to offer. Not realizing that just by being, by living as a person who finally was showing the world the true person they were on the inside, gave hope to those trying to find that truth inside themselves. That by living she added one more example that it is possible to be a truthful person in our expression to the world. We need more people like this in the world, not less. Unfortunately, whatever pain she internally felt overrode the incredible positiveness she gave out to so many and to our world.
In the past 18 hours I have once again been figuratively struck right across the face with one number, 41. As in 41%. As in 41% of all transgender people either attempt or succeed in suicide. The ultimate act of desperation. Why, oh why? Why, in this blessed group of people, is this such a prevalent act? If anyone is not struck by this I ask you think about that. This is not simply a statistic. This number is representation of us, of people, of society.
I say we as a collective group of people, transgender people, are blessed because of the depth we have to go inside of ourselves to try and understand who we are and what it means to be transgender. We have to go deep inside and come to terms with this aspect of ourselves and love ourselves enough to step out bravely and show the world who we are. Yet it is still incredibly hard to live as a transgender person, even today, even for me. It is essential we have more transgender people being visible, living life, raising our kids, going to work and being productive in society. In this way we can demystify what society sees as different, and thus less of a person. In no way are any of us as transgender people less, in fact in many ways we are more. We need to state that loud and clear everyday. And my hope is that soon we will be looked upon as simply another member of society simply trying to navigate through this world. This incredibly wonderful world.
In a previous message I posted here, Who Saved 2 Billion People, I point out that one simple action can have ripples across the world. We may only see the rock dropping into the depths of the waters, yet the ripples that emanate out from that act can impact hundreds, thousands, millions, and perhaps even billions of others over time. I challenge all of us to realize this fact. Each act we do has ripples, ripples across the fabric of life that impact untold numbers of others. I challenge each of us to ensure the ripples we create are positive ones. That help may be given to only one person, helping them to become whole and true inside themselves. Because that one person can impact billions, or maybe it is you that impacts billions.
To Lisa I say thank you. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for taking those pictures with me. Thank you for talking with me. Thank you for letting your light shine through the pain you felt inside. Thank you for listening to me earlier this year and thus choosing to spend a far to short amount of additional time here with us, shining your light on all of us. Letting your light brighten the darkness of so many still trying to figure out how they can become and live as the real person they were born to be. And Lisa, I am sorry. I am sorry I could not be there across these miles for you like I was earlier this year. I am sorry I took for granted that you had made it through to the other side, where happiness at being a whole person resides.
As I am asked today "Hey How are you?" I can respond, "I am sad, incredibly sad for the physical loss of my friend here on earth. I am mad that we have not made this world a place where it matters not that you are Transgender, or Gay, or Lesbian, or Bisexual, or Queer. I am resolved to work harder for others to make it safe and celebratory to come out. I feel so blessed that I will carry a small part of the light Lisa shined upon me forever in my life." That is how I am. Now, tell me, really tell me truthfully, "How Are You?"
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