The Light of Lisa

"Hey, How are you today?" "I'm fine."

We say this to people we know and love everyday.  And that was it.  But what if..... just what if, they aren't fine.  How will we know?  Do we not owe it to each other to explore the depth of what we are asking and genuinely seek from them a deeper response?  If the true answer is that I am not fine, why do I not want to share what I am feeling with the person who cared enough to ask me this question?

"Oh, I don't want to burden them."  "They have their own life to deal with and can't help me with mine."  "I will deal with it myself."  We all need to acknowledge that each one of us is a human being.  A flawed vessel.  Each of us does not have the totality of answers. Thus it is imperative that reach out to each other when we are in need of help or assistance in our lives. It is even more imperative that we reach out to others, especially those we love and care about and let them know we are here to offer any help we can in areas we may have something another doesn't.  To support each other, lift each other up. Even if it appears they do not need our help.

In the past 18 hours, another bright light made the choice to leave this earthly confine we all find ourselves in called life.  Her chosen name is Lisa.  A name I cherish as the namesake of one of my daughters who spent far too short an amount of time in my family, yet made a lasting impact in my and my families lives.  I have watched my large circle of friends I have come to know over the past several years, respond in this new millenniums central gathering point and morn our loss of Lisa as a physical presence.  I am bewildered as to how someone who made such a positive, loving impact in so many peoples lives, felt they had nothing left to offer.  Not realizing that just by being, by living as a person who finally was showing the world the true person they were on the inside, gave hope to those trying to find that truth inside themselves.  That by living she added one more example that it is possible to be a truthful person in our expression to the world.  We need more people like this in the world, not less.  Unfortunately, whatever pain she internally felt overrode the incredible positiveness she gave out to so many and to our world.

In the past 18 hours I have once again been figuratively struck right across the face with one number, 41.  As in 41%.  As in 41% of all transgender people either attempt or succeed in suicide.  The ultimate act of desperation.  Why, oh why?  Why, in this blessed group of people, is this such a prevalent act?  If anyone is not struck by this I ask you think about that.  This is not simply a statistic. This number is representation of us, of people, of society.

I say we as a collective group of people, transgender people, are blessed because of the depth we have to go inside of ourselves to try and understand who we are and what it means to be transgender. We have to go deep inside and come to terms with this aspect of ourselves and love ourselves enough to step out bravely and show the world who we are.  Yet it is still incredibly hard to live as a transgender person, even today, even for me.  It is essential we have more transgender people being visible, living life, raising our kids, going to work and being productive in society.  In this way we can demystify what society sees as different, and thus less of a person.  In no way are any of us as transgender people less, in fact in many ways we are more.  We need to state that loud and clear everyday.  And my hope is that soon we will be looked upon as simply another member of society simply trying to navigate through this world.  This incredibly wonderful world.

In a previous message I posted here, Who Saved 2 Billion People, I point out that one simple action can have ripples across the world.  We may only see the rock dropping into the depths of the waters, yet the ripples that emanate out from that act can impact hundreds, thousands, millions, and perhaps even billions of others over time.  I challenge all of us to realize this fact.  Each act we do has ripples, ripples across the fabric of life that impact untold numbers of others.  I challenge each of us to ensure the ripples we create are positive ones.  That help may be given to only one person, helping them to become whole and true inside themselves.  Because that one person can impact billions, or maybe it is you that impacts billions.

To Lisa I say thank you.  Thank you for coming into my life.  Thank you for taking those pictures with me.  Thank you for talking with me.  Thank you for letting your light shine through the pain you felt inside.  Thank you for listening to me earlier this year and thus choosing to spend a far to short amount of additional time here with us, shining your light on all of us.  Letting your light brighten the darkness of so many still trying to figure out how they can become and live as the real person they were born to be.  And Lisa, I am sorry.  I am sorry I could not be there across these miles for you like I was earlier this year.  I am sorry I took for granted that you had made it through to the other side, where happiness at being a whole person resides.

As I am asked today "Hey How are you?" I can respond, "I am sad, incredibly sad for the physical loss of my friend here on earth.  I am mad that we have not made this world a place where it matters not that you are Transgender, or Gay, or Lesbian, or Bisexual, or Queer.  I am resolved to work harder for others to make it safe and celebratory to come out.  I feel so blessed that I will carry a small part of the light Lisa shined upon me forever in my life."  That is how I am.  Now, tell me, really tell me truthfully, "How Are You?"

Born in the Right Body

Katie Couric took on the subject of transgender kids on her talk show which aired February 26, 2013. I felt she handled the the topic very thoughtfully and without a lot of sensationalism while providing a lot of good information from medical and legal professionals.  Yet, I just had to shake my head as soon as I hear those 5 words uttered, Born In The Wrong Body.

When we are born we are assigned a label.  This label is the most defining label assigned to any person.  You are labeled male or female.  This label is assigned from strictly external visual cues determine by the genitalia exhibited by that baby’s body.  So that is it.  As a 1 minute old baby, their entire existence, personality, and possibly the professions that they can and cannot work in have now been predestined.  Ok.  Good job parents.  Your work here is done.

Silly, right?  But I am sure we can all agree that there is no way of knowing the talents of that child, what personality they will develop, what interests they will gravitate to, or in their quiet moments what lofty goal(s) they aspire to achieve.  And can we really know what "gender", that which the brain tells us we are, that the child will be.  But the label of male or female supposedly predetermines so much of what is expected of that child later in life.

This world we live in is imperfect and we as corporeal beings have imperfect vessels.  And one of those imperfections, for some of us, is that the external physical characteristics conflict with the chemistry of our brain and what it tells us about who we are.

In many cases, the physical characteristics of our body provide us certain limitations.  I just will never be the world’s fastest human in the 100 meter sprint, among many other things.  Am I trapped in the wrong body if I believe I can be or am the world’s fastest 100 meter sprinter?  No.

Does the person born with a physical challenge or disability say they were born in the wrong body?  Certainly not.  It is simply the majesty and imperfection of the incredible machine we call the body that creates these unfortunate situations.  Yet so many of the people that society labels disabled show us how much a person can achieve and become when you do not have the same acuities that many of us take for granted.

So is it not from our mind that comes our personality, our dreams, our aspirations to achieve whatever our hearts desire?

So back to the well-worn media phrase, Born In The Wrong Body.  My hope, my call to action, is that we eradicate this from the lexicon.  Because, I was born in the “right body”.  My body does not define who I am as a person or how I want the world to see me or what I aspire to achieve. Who I am, or anyone else is as a person, transgender or not, has nothing to do with our bodies.

I was born in the right body because it was the body I was born with.  Just that simple  My gender, that which my brain biologically developed into as I was nurtured safe within my mother’s womb, just ended up not matching the physical characteristics of my body.  We are born with the bodies we are born with.  They are not wrong, nor are they right.  They just are.  Perhaps we should simply borrow from the popular song and proclaim, "Baby, I was born this way".  Truly, this is closer to the truth than being born in the wrong body.

 

I have never been “Trapped In The Wrong Body” or “Born In The Wrong Body”.  I was just born into an imperfect body.  Yes, I struggled because of the incongruity between my mind and body.  That sense of self was in direct opposition to the external characteristics of my physical body.  But still, I was not born in the wrong body or mind or trapped in my body.  My body is only the vessel which carries my spirit or soul, the true essence of who I am.  In a way, regardless of being transgender or not, an argument can be made that we are all trapped in our own bodies?

And if we are all trapped in our bodies, shouldn’t we simply pay more attention to our minds and our spirit and nurture those thoughts and aspirations to be the best person we can be.  And for some of us that just might mean changing that first label we are given in that very first minute of life out in the bright, beautiful world.

We in the transgender community have taken this phrase, "Born In The Wrong Body", and without really thinking about it, used and overused it.  We need to eradicate this from any discussion we ever have about ourselves.  Take ownership of our selves.  You and I were born in the right body.  As right as any other person is born with.  What we do with our body and mind to become the best person we can be is of the most importance.  Now go out and be of sound mind and body and know your body is the right one for you, even if a remodeling of that body will be needed down the road.