The Light of Lisa

"Hey, How are you today?" "I'm fine."

We say this to people we know and love everyday.  And that was it.  But what if..... just what if, they aren't fine.  How will we know?  Do we not owe it to each other to explore the depth of what we are asking and genuinely seek from them a deeper response?  If the true answer is that I am not fine, why do I not want to share what I am feeling with the person who cared enough to ask me this question?

"Oh, I don't want to burden them."  "They have their own life to deal with and can't help me with mine."  "I will deal with it myself."  We all need to acknowledge that each one of us is a human being.  A flawed vessel.  Each of us does not have the totality of answers. Thus it is imperative that reach out to each other when we are in need of help or assistance in our lives. It is even more imperative that we reach out to others, especially those we love and care about and let them know we are here to offer any help we can in areas we may have something another doesn't.  To support each other, lift each other up. Even if it appears they do not need our help.

In the past 18 hours, another bright light made the choice to leave this earthly confine we all find ourselves in called life.  Her chosen name is Lisa.  A name I cherish as the namesake of one of my daughters who spent far too short an amount of time in my family, yet made a lasting impact in my and my families lives.  I have watched my large circle of friends I have come to know over the past several years, respond in this new millenniums central gathering point and morn our loss of Lisa as a physical presence.  I am bewildered as to how someone who made such a positive, loving impact in so many peoples lives, felt they had nothing left to offer.  Not realizing that just by being, by living as a person who finally was showing the world the true person they were on the inside, gave hope to those trying to find that truth inside themselves.  That by living she added one more example that it is possible to be a truthful person in our expression to the world.  We need more people like this in the world, not less.  Unfortunately, whatever pain she internally felt overrode the incredible positiveness she gave out to so many and to our world.

In the past 18 hours I have once again been figuratively struck right across the face with one number, 41.  As in 41%.  As in 41% of all transgender people either attempt or succeed in suicide.  The ultimate act of desperation.  Why, oh why?  Why, in this blessed group of people, is this such a prevalent act?  If anyone is not struck by this I ask you think about that.  This is not simply a statistic. This number is representation of us, of people, of society.

I say we as a collective group of people, transgender people, are blessed because of the depth we have to go inside of ourselves to try and understand who we are and what it means to be transgender. We have to go deep inside and come to terms with this aspect of ourselves and love ourselves enough to step out bravely and show the world who we are.  Yet it is still incredibly hard to live as a transgender person, even today, even for me.  It is essential we have more transgender people being visible, living life, raising our kids, going to work and being productive in society.  In this way we can demystify what society sees as different, and thus less of a person.  In no way are any of us as transgender people less, in fact in many ways we are more.  We need to state that loud and clear everyday.  And my hope is that soon we will be looked upon as simply another member of society simply trying to navigate through this world.  This incredibly wonderful world.

In a previous message I posted here, Who Saved 2 Billion People, I point out that one simple action can have ripples across the world.  We may only see the rock dropping into the depths of the waters, yet the ripples that emanate out from that act can impact hundreds, thousands, millions, and perhaps even billions of others over time.  I challenge all of us to realize this fact.  Each act we do has ripples, ripples across the fabric of life that impact untold numbers of others.  I challenge each of us to ensure the ripples we create are positive ones.  That help may be given to only one person, helping them to become whole and true inside themselves.  Because that one person can impact billions, or maybe it is you that impacts billions.

To Lisa I say thank you.  Thank you for coming into my life.  Thank you for taking those pictures with me.  Thank you for talking with me.  Thank you for letting your light shine through the pain you felt inside.  Thank you for listening to me earlier this year and thus choosing to spend a far to short amount of additional time here with us, shining your light on all of us.  Letting your light brighten the darkness of so many still trying to figure out how they can become and live as the real person they were born to be.  And Lisa, I am sorry.  I am sorry I could not be there across these miles for you like I was earlier this year.  I am sorry I took for granted that you had made it through to the other side, where happiness at being a whole person resides.

As I am asked today "Hey How are you?" I can respond, "I am sad, incredibly sad for the physical loss of my friend here on earth.  I am mad that we have not made this world a place where it matters not that you are Transgender, or Gay, or Lesbian, or Bisexual, or Queer.  I am resolved to work harder for others to make it safe and celebratory to come out.  I feel so blessed that I will carry a small part of the light Lisa shined upon me forever in my life."  That is how I am.  Now, tell me, really tell me truthfully, "How Are You?"

Born in the Right Body

Katie Couric took on the subject of transgender kids on her talk show which aired February 26, 2013. I felt she handled the the topic very thoughtfully and without a lot of sensationalism while providing a lot of good information from medical and legal professionals.  Yet, I just had to shake my head as soon as I hear those 5 words uttered, Born In The Wrong Body.

When we are born we are assigned a label.  This label is the most defining label assigned to any person.  You are labeled male or female.  This label is assigned from strictly external visual cues determine by the genitalia exhibited by that baby’s body.  So that is it.  As a 1 minute old baby, their entire existence, personality, and possibly the professions that they can and cannot work in have now been predestined.  Ok.  Good job parents.  Your work here is done.

Silly, right?  But I am sure we can all agree that there is no way of knowing the talents of that child, what personality they will develop, what interests they will gravitate to, or in their quiet moments what lofty goal(s) they aspire to achieve.  And can we really know what "gender", that which the brain tells us we are, that the child will be.  But the label of male or female supposedly predetermines so much of what is expected of that child later in life.

This world we live in is imperfect and we as corporeal beings have imperfect vessels.  And one of those imperfections, for some of us, is that the external physical characteristics conflict with the chemistry of our brain and what it tells us about who we are.

In many cases, the physical characteristics of our body provide us certain limitations.  I just will never be the world’s fastest human in the 100 meter sprint, among many other things.  Am I trapped in the wrong body if I believe I can be or am the world’s fastest 100 meter sprinter?  No.

Does the person born with a physical challenge or disability say they were born in the wrong body?  Certainly not.  It is simply the majesty and imperfection of the incredible machine we call the body that creates these unfortunate situations.  Yet so many of the people that society labels disabled show us how much a person can achieve and become when you do not have the same acuities that many of us take for granted.

So is it not from our mind that comes our personality, our dreams, our aspirations to achieve whatever our hearts desire?

So back to the well-worn media phrase, Born In The Wrong Body.  My hope, my call to action, is that we eradicate this from the lexicon.  Because, I was born in the “right body”.  My body does not define who I am as a person or how I want the world to see me or what I aspire to achieve. Who I am, or anyone else is as a person, transgender or not, has nothing to do with our bodies.

I was born in the right body because it was the body I was born with.  Just that simple  My gender, that which my brain biologically developed into as I was nurtured safe within my mother’s womb, just ended up not matching the physical characteristics of my body.  We are born with the bodies we are born with.  They are not wrong, nor are they right.  They just are.  Perhaps we should simply borrow from the popular song and proclaim, "Baby, I was born this way".  Truly, this is closer to the truth than being born in the wrong body.

 

I have never been “Trapped In The Wrong Body” or “Born In The Wrong Body”.  I was just born into an imperfect body.  Yes, I struggled because of the incongruity between my mind and body.  That sense of self was in direct opposition to the external characteristics of my physical body.  But still, I was not born in the wrong body or mind or trapped in my body.  My body is only the vessel which carries my spirit or soul, the true essence of who I am.  In a way, regardless of being transgender or not, an argument can be made that we are all trapped in our own bodies?

And if we are all trapped in our bodies, shouldn’t we simply pay more attention to our minds and our spirit and nurture those thoughts and aspirations to be the best person we can be.  And for some of us that just might mean changing that first label we are given in that very first minute of life out in the bright, beautiful world.

We in the transgender community have taken this phrase, "Born In The Wrong Body", and without really thinking about it, used and overused it.  We need to eradicate this from any discussion we ever have about ourselves.  Take ownership of our selves.  You and I were born in the right body.  As right as any other person is born with.  What we do with our body and mind to become the best person we can be is of the most importance.  Now go out and be of sound mind and body and know your body is the right one for you, even if a remodeling of that body will be needed down the road.

Mystique Of A Natural Born Woman...

The current term is “Natural Born Woman”.  The definition….. Well I am not quite sure.  It has come into the lexicon because of the recent conversations surrounding the Miss Universe Pageants.  I do know that I don’t like this current triad as it connotes something that is very superficial and used in what I consider a prejudicial way.

I first noticed this term when Jenna Talackova was initially denied the right to compete in the Miss Canada competition.  This past weekend this term was used again, when the eventual winner of the Miss USA competition, Olivia Culpo, Miss Rhode Island, was asked as part of the interview round "Would you feel it would be fair that a transgender woman wins the Miss USA title over a natural-born woman?"

Natural Born Woman?  What the heck is a Natural Born Woman anyway?  What are the requirements for being classified as a Natural Born Woman, an NBW?  Let’s break this down, as the sports analyst will tells us.

Natural.  Through Dictionary.com we find the first definition is; 1. Existing in or formed by nature.  Ok, so I guess that would mean a person would need to have been created through a natural process of conception and child birth.  Since we do not yet create and birth our population through large tubes or farms where we grow people like plants, I guess we have narrowed this down to every single person formerly or currently living.

Born.  Back to Dictionary.com, my personal favorite.  I find the second definition of this word to be particularly useful in the situation; possessing from birth the quality, circumstances, or character stated.  So once again we come back to being born a human being in this world.  But we add to that, having a quality, a circumstance, or a character of some other stated condition. Part of this can be physical, but most of this is beyond the physical.  It is of the mind or the soul or the essence of who a person is.

If one is a NBW, then the stated condition of this phrase is Woman.  Ah, now we are to the crux of the entire matter.  Woman.  What is the definition of a woman?  What makes a woman a woman?  Guess where I go next?

The first two definitions I find a bit broad or circular in their definition; 1. the female human being; 2. an adult female person.  Definition number 4 is interesting and yet I find limiting; a wife.  So an unmarried person could not be defined as a woman?  By its very nature, the Miss Universe competitions are restricted to unmarried individuals.  Using this definition, then all of the contestants fail the NBW test.

I think definition number 5 gets more to the heart of the matter; the nature, characteristics, or feelings often attributed to women; womanliness.

I intuitively understand what those using the phrase NBW mean.  They are expressing that to be a NBW one needs to have been born with the genitalia associated with a female person.  I think we find in defining the individual words Natural Born Woman, genitalia has nothing to do with being a woman.  It can be part of distinguishing what a woman is.  But really, to limit the definition, the essence of being a woman, to strictly the genitals they were or weren’t born with, in my opinion is very demeaning to all women or any person for that matter.

So we return to the word Woman.  What are these mystical Natures, Characteristics or Feelings often attributed to women?  As a Transgender Woman I can only say how I have “felt”, my “feelings”, and I can say that they have always been in direct conflict with my male friends and family and how they expressed themselves.  These feelings have always been in conflict of the need of society to make me act, dress and look a certain way.  Thus I know and associate my feelings with those of being a woman.

My Characteristics had attempted to be molded by my parents and society to try and define me as the other males we see in society, yet, I never fully acted that way.  I was never able to be that kind of a person in the way I acted.

And my Nature, as I would define it, my inner soul or essence of the person I truly and honestly was born as, has always been what society would define as feminine or female or that of a woman.

Can anyone say that Jenna Talackova did not embody the Natures, Characteristics or Feelings often attributed to women?

In today’s medical and psychological world we now have a much greater understanding and can help individuals like myself to bring the exterior we present to the world in line with the definition that society claims is that of a woman.  Once the exterior is in line with the inner essence of a person can they truly become a Natural Born anything.

So can we now eliminate this phrase Natural Born Woman?  Because those that use this phrase, are not using it in a way that truly falls under the definition of the words this phrase contains and the phrase itself can define a whole host of women!!

Who Saved 2 Billion People?

This is from Chapter 6 of a book called "The Noticer: Sometimes All A Person Needs Is A Little Perspective."  After reading tell me you won't or haven't made an impact in your lives.

 

“While it is true that most people never see or understand

the difference they make, or sometimes only imagine their actions

having a tiny effect, every single action a person takes has far reaching

consequences.

“A moment ago, you and I were talking about particular

people who had accomplished great things during the later

years of their lives. Do you know the name Norman Bourlag?”

Willow shook her head. “Norman Bourlag was ninety-one when

he was informed that he had been personally responsible for

saving the lives of two billion people.”

“Two billion people?” Willow exclaimed. “How is that

possible?”

“Norman Bourlag was the man who hybridized corn and

wheat for arid climates,” Jones answered. “The Nobel committee,

the Fulbright Scholars, and many other experts calculated

that all across the world—in Central and South America, Western

Africa, across Europe and Asia, throughout the plains of Siberia,

and America’s own desert Southwest—Bourlag’s work has saved

from famine over two billion people . . . and the number is

increasing every day.”

“Incredible,” Willow said.

“Yes,” Jones agreed. “Isn’t it? But the most incredible part of

the story is that Bourlag, for all the credit he has received . . .”

Jones glanced around as if to prevent someone from hearing

what he was about to say. “For all the credit he’s received,

Bourlag was not the person who saved the two billion people.”

“What?”

“That’s right,” Jones confirmed. “I believe it was a man

named Henry Wallace. He was vice president of the United

States under Roosevelt.”

“I thought Truman was vice president under Roosevelt,”

Willow said suspiciously.

“He was,” Jones agreed, “but remember, Roosevelt served

four terms. His first two terms, John Nance served as vice president;

his fourth term, Truman; but it was during Roosevelt’s

third term that his vice president was a former secretary of agriculture

named Henry Wallace. While Wallace was vice president

of the United States, he used the power of his office to create a

station in Mexico whose sole purpose was to somehow hybridize

corn and wheat for arid climates . . . and he hired a young man

named Norman Bourlag to run it. So, while Norman Bourlag

won the Nobel Prize . . . it was really Henry Wallace whose initial

act was responsible for saving the two billion lives.”

“I never knew,” Willow said. “Why, I don’t even remember

the man.”

“That’s okay,” Jones replied. “Now that I think about it,

maybe it wasn’t Henry Wallace who should’ve gotten credit

anyway . . .”

Willow appeared startled. “Now, why would you say that?”

she asked.

Jones dropped his eyes to the ground and rubbed his chin, as

if deep in thought. “Maybe it was George Washington Carver

who saved the two billion lives.” Then, his head popping up

again, he said, “You remember him, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Willow answered quickly. “Peanuts. But what does

he—”

“What people don’t know about George Washington Carver

is that while he was nineteen and a student at Iowa State University,

he had a dairy sciences professor who allowed his own

six-year-old boy to go on botanical expeditions every weekend

with this brilliant student. George Washington Carver took that

little tot and directed his life. And it was Carver who gave six year-

old Henry Wallace a vision about his future and what he

could do with plants to help humanity.”

Jones shook his head in wonder. “It is amazing, isn’t it?” he

said. “That Carver could spend all that time with the peanut?

Hours and months and years of work. I mean, the man developed

two hundred and sixty-six products from the peanut—that

we still use today. And then there’s the sweet potato. Eighty-eight

uses he developed from it.” Jones leaned forward, hands on his

knees. “He also wrote an agricultural tract and promoted the

idea of what he called a ‘victory garden.’”

Willow smiled. “I remember victory gardens. We had one.”

“Yes. So did most people,” Jones said. “Victory gardens—

even in the middle of major cities—fed a significant portion of

our population during World War II.

“But with all the time and effort and years that Carver spent

on things like peanuts and sweet potatoes and victory gardens,

isn’t it amazing that a few afternoons with a six-year-old boy named

Henry Wallace turned out to make that much difference!”

“Truly,” Willow said with awe in her voice. “So it was George

Washington Carver whose action saved all those people.”

“Ahhh . . . ,” Jones shook his head. “Not really.”

“What?”

“It had to have been the farmer from Diamond, Missouri.”

Jones grinned as Willow threw up her hands.

“There was a farmer in Diamond, Missouri, named Moses,”

Jones continued, “who had a wife named Susan. They lived in a

slave state but didn’t believe in slavery. Well, that was a problem

for those crazy people who rode through farms at night, terrorizing

what they called ‘sympathizers.’ And one cold winter night,

Quantrill’s Raiders attacked Moses and Susan’s farm. They

burned the barn, shot several people, and dragged off a woman

named Mary Washington . . . who refused to let go of her infant

son, George.

“Now, Mary Washington was Susan’s best friend, so Moses

sent word out immediately, trying to arrange a meeting with

those cutthroats, trying to do something to get Mary and her

baby back. Within a few days, he had the meeting set; and so, on

a January night, Moses took a black horse and went several

hours north to a crossroads in Kansas.

“There, he met four of Quantrill’s men, who arrived on

horseback, carrying torches, wearing flour sacks with eyeholes

cut out over their heads. And Moses traded his only horse for

what they threw him in a burlap bag.

“As they thundered off, Moses fell to his knees. There, in the

freezing dark, with his breath’s vapor blowing hard and white

from his mouth, Moses brought out of that burlap bag a cold,

naked, almost dead baby boy. And he opened up his jacket and

he opened up his shirts and placed that baby next to his skin.

Moses fastened that child in under his clothes and walked that

baby out! Talking to that child every step of the way—telling

the baby he would take care of him and raise him as his own . . .

promising to educate him to honor Mary, his mother, who they

knew was already dead.”

Jones looked intently at Willow who stared back in wonder.

“That was the night,” he said softly, “that the farmer told that

baby he would give him his name. And that is how Moses and

Susan Carver came to raise that little baby, George Washington.

“So there. It was obviously the farmer from Diamond,

Missouri, who saved those two billion people.”

They sat quietly for a moment until Jones raised his finger

as if an idea had just come to him. Teasing, he said, “Unless

maybe . . .”

But then, seeing the tears in Willow’s eyes, he said,

“So you see, madam, we could continue this line of reasoning all

evening. For the truth is, who knows who it really was whose

single action saved the two billion people? How far back could

we go?” Jones reached over and took Willow’s hand. “And how

far into the future could we go, dear lady, to show how many

lives you will touch? There are generations yet unborn, whose

very lives will be shifted and shaped by the moves you make

and the actions you take . . . tonight. And tomorrow. And tomorrow

night. And the next day. And the next.

“No matter your age, physical condition, financial situation,

color, gender, emotional state, or belief . . . everything you do,

every move you make, matters to all of us—and forever.”

“Thank you,” Willow said faintly. “Thank you.”

“And thank you, young lady,” Jones said as he stood. “Thank

you for the opportunity to spend a few moments with you and

rest in such a beautiful spot.” He began walking slowly westward,

toward the canal. “Let’s not rest too long, though,” Willow

heard him say as the evening darkness took him from her sight.

“Time is precious, and you have much to do.”

No Means No..........

If you happened to not have a radio or a TV or not be connected online today, May 9, 2012, there was a tiny bit of news.  President Obama publicly endorsed marriage equality for all citizens.  Facebook posts immediately blew up with the news.  Twitter was twitching like it was having an epileptic seizure.  News sites posted the video segment released by ABC News.

The impact may not be seen now.  However, I believe this is one of those days that will be seen over time as historic.  I am proud to be here to see this and understand its importance.  Yet, the politics behind it all can be maddening.  Are our elected officials not charged with the sacred duty to protect and ensure every single person in this country has the same rights as any other?  Could the President have not stood up sooner and spoke out sooner?  While the answer to both questions is *Yes*, at least now the highest elected official in this country is on the right side of history.  And more importantly on the right side of what is, well, right.

All this came on the heels of the majority of the citizens of the state of North Carolina voting to amend their state constitution to restrict the rights of some of its citizens.  And this is after their legislature passed a law restricting the rights of a segmented group of its citizens to not be allowed to marry the person they love, while others in the state are allowed to.  So once again in this country a group of citizens have now been told NO.  It is not like those LGBTQ people have never been told NO before.  

Maybe it’s time to accept the NO and stop.  Or ……… Maybe, just maybe, NO is just the beginning of NOt Yet!

We probably have all heard the famous story of perseverance of President Lincoln.   He ran for numerous political offices and in election after election he was told NO.  Yet, he continued to run and became, arguably, the most well respected and influential President on our great Union.

How about Professional Football Player Kurt Warner?  He was signed by the Green Bay Packers as an undrafted free agent in 1994, only to be cut later that year.  Kurt played in low paying Arena and European Football leagues.  He also had a job in a grocery store stocking shelves for $5.50/hour.  In 1997 he had a tryout schedule with the Chicago Bears.  But just prior to that tryout, and while on his honeymoon, he was bitten by a venous spider on the elbow of his throwing arm.  He was deemed to be not healthy enough to try out.  Later that year he was selected by the St. Louis Rams to be their 3^rd string QB.  In 1999, he stepped in for the injured starting QB in a preseason game and began rewriting the Rams and Pro Football records.  He led the rams to a Superbowl victory that season and set new passing records for a QB in the Superbowl.

I mean really?  He should have just given into the NO’s long before Superbowl XXXIV in January of 2000, right?

I can give you literally a hundred examples like these 2.   Maybe this Video about not giving up and accepting will speak to you.  It did me.

 So NO, for true and full equality, does not really mean NO.  It simply means NOT YET!  Keep positive and keep sharing your story.  That will change hearts and minds and turn NO and Not Yet into YES!

Out Of The Closet

Out of the Closet

You must look upon your illusions and not
keep them hidden…
Illusions have no place where love abides, protecting
you from everything that is not true.

— A Course in Miracles

In our fascination with the monsters of Halloween, we forget that the holiday began as a celebration of purification. “Halloween ” is short for “All Hallows (Holy) Evening, ” the night that precedes November 1st, All Saints' Day. The lore tells that the presence of great spiritual light on All Saints’ Day calls forth all the unhealed spirits so they can be blessed and released. The process is similar to cleaning laundry in a washing machine. When the soap and water touch the garments, the grime is loosened, and it rises to the surface. To look into a washing machine dur–ing the agitation cycle, you would be repulsed and think that the clothes are getting dirtier. But they are actually getting cleaner. The muck must be extracted before it can be discarded.

While our culture has forgotten the spiritual origin of Halloween, you can make use of it. Are there any monsters lurking in the closet of your consciousness? Are you carrying any hidden fears, resentments, or grotesque memories that stalk you in the night? Are you annoyed by any emotional goblins that undermine your relationships? If so, open the door and let them fly away. Call forth the energy of love and healing, and ask God to free you of anything that stands between you and your good.

Monsters are dangerous only when we run from them. No bogeyman has any power over us unless we feed it with fear and denial. Face your demons, and you will see that they are illusions. Shine the light of truth on your basement, and you will have a whole new room to play in.

Give me the courage to move beyond my fears and be free.

I release the darkness to
make way for the light.

----------
This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.

It's Time

As Pink would sing "I'm comin' up so you better get this party started.."

And so begins a blogging life.  I plan to share my general musings and thoughts, while trying not to be preachy, but probably asking more questions and looking for insight of others.  I believe we all have something to offer at least one other person, if not more.  I also firmly believe I can learn so much more when I am listening to others rather than speaking to hear myself speak.

I hope others will share their thoughts on what I write.