Bruce Jenner - The Interview

Well, it had all the earmarks of a devastating train wreck.  One that would leave the blood and mangled bodies of the trans community lying all around and which few could not look away from.  But as I saw east coast comments last night (3 hours before I would be able to view it) and learned GLAAD and a couple of trans people I have met, spent time with, who I made a point to have them get to know me and whom I can call friend, were involved in consulting on the piece, I became a little less concerned.  Still, the potential was there.  Then as the show opened and I could feel the same fear that BJ expressed that I had felt all those years of my life, my tears started to flow.  I became hopeful this would turn out good.

I just hope that for the general, non-trans population, the feelings and dysphoria, fear and hiding of such a huge part of our personality was expressed, that they understand just a little bit better.  While it was obvious the production of the interview was not geared to the trans community, it hit home for me with the feelings and fear I had felt since I was 5.  The concern first and foremost that my kids would be ok and not abandon me.

In my talks, especially to the faith communities, that I have given in the past 2 years, I have explained that God endowed me with the soul of a woman.  I have also railed against the stupid "born in the wrong body" statements that are repeated by trans people and media for decades without any thought given to those words and how silly they are.  And there (s)he was expressing those exact same thoughts that I have been teaching about.

I just hope the broader population "gets it" a little more, or at least understands the intense feelings that pervade a trans persons life.  I stand taller, which may be disconcerting being a tall woman already who lives in and loves her heels....lol.  I am emboldened with the need to get out and do more works, talk to others and faith communities, help others understand and take on those that still want to marginalize and religiously judge and condemn us.

I was struck with the common thread that connected the same thoughts and feelings BJ expressed with what I felt and the actions (s)he took in her life.  Those nights slipping out of the house stealthily to embrace a new world that was waiting for me.  Even doing so with the easy potential for discovery, yet I was driven by a need to express the real me.  To just be seen as the true nature of my inner self, my soul.  Outside of me not having been an Olympic Athlete, (s)he was telling my story.  But I may still have time for my Olympic dream, right?

I cried last night.  Cried for the feelings I felt all my life, that I had not explored in several years.  Cried for another sister who was expressing those same feelings, thoughts and needs to be seen.  Cried for how well this interview was handled.

I am so thankful for the professionalism and compassion of Diane Sawyer and the producers of the show.  They took the time to get people involved who would help guide and help get it right.  I am thankful for the humility and humor expressed by BJ.  I am thankful I am trans and that I do the work I do.

The train wreck actually turned into a beautifully streamlined and glistening bullet train, gracefully speeding along the tracks.

TransGenitals

I knew I was in for trouble or, another head shaking moment, when the message I receive on Social Media tonight started with......

"Hello. I'm not hitting on you and mean no disrespect......"

Rut Roh......!  Do I read on?   It's almost like a car accident.  You really don't need to look,  you don't want to look, yet you have to look.  I wanted to find the delete button but my eyes betrayed me.  They began to scan the words that followed.  Thus continued a message in the form of which I am, unfortunately, all to familiar and receive far too often.

.....I just wondered how the final surgury (sic) went and what your new girl parts look like and how yours compares to natural lady parts. So sorry to be a pain! Have a great day and great luck to you...and you look fantastic!!! I'm John

First comes the deep sigh!  In this case followed by my head gently shaking back and forth.  In light of the media faux pas earlier this year with Katie Couric and Peirs Morgan and their less than spectacular interviewing questions, you would think more people would get it.  Sadly, those that continue to send me these questions must all lack Cable TV.  Or perhaps their channels do not go beyond ESPN or Fox Sports1 or Comedy Network.  But wait, they have a computer.  Their message came through social media, thus they must have computing skills.  Surely they read news online.  Or have seen the news reports, blog posts and general discussions on the asking of this subject.  Sadly it appears John and far too many others haven't.

Well. my new friend John, you have just picked the evening upon which I am going to use you and your incredibly insensitive and repulsive questioning to educate........

So, John, I mean no disrespect and am sorry to be a pain, but......... :-)

First, by starting out by saying you are "not hitting on me and mean no disrespect", you do nothing to change the nature and offensiveness of the words you choose that follow.  And ending with "Sorry to be a pain" stinks like stale salmon and conveys "I just asked a couple incredibly insensitive questions, but by following up with this ending, makes it all OK".  And adding such a statement after asking these questions screams to me that you really don't care if these questions are improper, disrespectful or even hurtful.  Oh my new friend, how wrong you are.

Questioning me or any person for that matter, on the subject of their genitals is very dehumanizing and objectifies myself and all other transgender persons.  It is this objectification that leads to society believing it is OK for persons such as myself to be assaulted, beaten and even killed on a daily basis.  It contributes to the fact that 41% of all transgender people either attempt or succeed at suicide.

I have not yet, nor do I intend to, ask you about your genitals.  I wouldn't dare ask if you measure up and beyond the length of the high heels I wear daily.  They are generally 3.5" to 4" by the way.  Would you ask your mother, sister, daughter, other female friend how their hysterectomy has affected the outer appearance of their genitals?  If you wouldn't ask these women such questions, whom you know well and are related to, how in any sane world could you make the first message to me be questions solely about the status of what is or isn't under my clothes AND how they look.

You also make an assumption I have had some kind of surgery.  Maybe I have, maybe I haven't.  It really is irrelevant to you.  Even if we were starting to develop a relationship, which I can guaran-damn-tee you will not be happening, it would still be irrelevant until the relationship reach a stage that I may choose, and it would be MY choice, to be intimate with you.

If you are curious about transgender surgery and how the end results work and look, I am going to recommend an incredibly new invention.  The great, all knowing Google or Bing Machines.  They can provide you with a wealth of knowledge and yes, even pictures, of how the anatomy looks after surgery.  But if reading seems too much work, here is a helpful and simple flow chart for you.

Wait now.  Don't leave me yet.  There is one more set of words you used that need reviewing.  You asked how mine compare to "natural lady parts".  Am I to assume you do not believe me to be a "natural lady"?  And this belief is determined by what you think my original factory equipment was or wasn't?  That is what defines a complete and whole person to you?  Their Genitals?  That is what defines a "natural woman" to you?

Well I could make the assumption you identify yourself entirely by the parts contained in your pants. However in my case, and pretty much every person I have ever met or interacted with, their identity as a person, their person-hood if you will, comes from within their mind, their soul if you are of such a spiritual persuasion.  It comes from that place in our hearts where we hold securely our hopes and dreams and vision of who the person is we present to the world each day.  That is a persons gender.  And there is a whole wide array of gender identities beyond simple male or female, feminine or masculine.  If you want to define the totality of a person based solely on the sex characteristics of their body, then you reduce the uniqueness of people to nothing more than a body part.

I could also point you to an earlier post of mine Mystique Of A Natural Born Woman... which provides even more thoughts on what makes a "Natural Woman".

I will conclude by saying I am very open about who I am and my history and experiences as a human being.  Your message however strips me and others down to being nothing more than meat hanging on a butchers hook.  I am a person.  I have feelings.  I have dreams and goals and desires like all people.  Like all people we also long for friendship and companionship.  Through your questions you perpetuate the Jerry Springer freak stereotype in society which reduces all transgender people to a lower class of people not deserving of the same love and respect that, in truth, we all deserve and crave.  If you were introduced to a woman in a social setting and you wouldn't dream of your first questions to her being about how her genitals look, then don't ever again send a message such as the one you did to myself or any other transgender person.

So thank you John.  Even though you are not the first, not even the first this month, to ask me questions of this nature, I appreciate your sending me a message on this night.  A night when you touched off the need within me to write this bit of education for yourself and others.  And.......

........ "I am sorry to have been such a pain and meant no disrespect"!!