Bruce Jenner - The Interview

Well, it had all the earmarks of a devastating train wreck.  One that would leave the blood and mangled bodies of the trans community lying all around and which few could not look away from.  But as I saw east coast comments last night (3 hours before I would be able to view it) and learned GLAAD and a couple of trans people I have met, spent time with, who I made a point to have them get to know me and whom I can call friend, were involved in consulting on the piece, I became a little less concerned.  Still, the potential was there.  Then as the show opened and I could feel the same fear that BJ expressed that I had felt all those years of my life, my tears started to flow.  I became hopeful this would turn out good.

I just hope that for the general, non-trans population, the feelings and dysphoria, fear and hiding of such a huge part of our personality was expressed, that they understand just a little bit better.  While it was obvious the production of the interview was not geared to the trans community, it hit home for me with the feelings and fear I had felt since I was 5.  The concern first and foremost that my kids would be ok and not abandon me.

In my talks, especially to the faith communities, that I have given in the past 2 years, I have explained that God endowed me with the soul of a woman.  I have also railed against the stupid "born in the wrong body" statements that are repeated by trans people and media for decades without any thought given to those words and how silly they are.  And there (s)he was expressing those exact same thoughts that I have been teaching about.

I just hope the broader population "gets it" a little more, or at least understands the intense feelings that pervade a trans persons life.  I stand taller, which may be disconcerting being a tall woman already who lives in and loves her heels....lol.  I am emboldened with the need to get out and do more works, talk to others and faith communities, help others understand and take on those that still want to marginalize and religiously judge and condemn us.

I was struck with the common thread that connected the same thoughts and feelings BJ expressed with what I felt and the actions (s)he took in her life.  Those nights slipping out of the house stealthily to embrace a new world that was waiting for me.  Even doing so with the easy potential for discovery, yet I was driven by a need to express the real me.  To just be seen as the true nature of my inner self, my soul.  Outside of me not having been an Olympic Athlete, (s)he was telling my story.  But I may still have time for my Olympic dream, right?

I cried last night.  Cried for the feelings I felt all my life, that I had not explored in several years.  Cried for another sister who was expressing those same feelings, thoughts and needs to be seen.  Cried for how well this interview was handled.

I am so thankful for the professionalism and compassion of Diane Sawyer and the producers of the show.  They took the time to get people involved who would help guide and help get it right.  I am thankful for the humility and humor expressed by BJ.  I am thankful I am trans and that I do the work I do.

The train wreck actually turned into a beautifully streamlined and glistening bullet train, gracefully speeding along the tracks.

Crossing the Threshold: LGBTQA Stories of Spirit

On Friday July 11th, as part of the Tacoma Pride Festival's event on convergence of spiritual Faith and being LGBTQA, I was one of 6 story tellers to share our own journeys of how our faith or religion intersected with our identities or orientations.  Growing up in the Catholic Church and attending Catholic grade school and high school, my faith had to be reconciled before I knew I could, would and should transition.  I hope you can take something away from my perspective of how my faith influenced my transition as a transgender female.

The Light of Lisa

"Hey, How are you today?" "I'm fine."

We say this to people we know and love everyday.  And that was it.  But what if..... just what if, they aren't fine.  How will we know?  Do we not owe it to each other to explore the depth of what we are asking and genuinely seek from them a deeper response?  If the true answer is that I am not fine, why do I not want to share what I am feeling with the person who cared enough to ask me this question?

"Oh, I don't want to burden them."  "They have their own life to deal with and can't help me with mine."  "I will deal with it myself."  We all need to acknowledge that each one of us is a human being.  A flawed vessel.  Each of us does not have the totality of answers. Thus it is imperative that reach out to each other when we are in need of help or assistance in our lives. It is even more imperative that we reach out to others, especially those we love and care about and let them know we are here to offer any help we can in areas we may have something another doesn't.  To support each other, lift each other up. Even if it appears they do not need our help.

In the past 18 hours, another bright light made the choice to leave this earthly confine we all find ourselves in called life.  Her chosen name is Lisa.  A name I cherish as the namesake of one of my daughters who spent far too short an amount of time in my family, yet made a lasting impact in my and my families lives.  I have watched my large circle of friends I have come to know over the past several years, respond in this new millenniums central gathering point and morn our loss of Lisa as a physical presence.  I am bewildered as to how someone who made such a positive, loving impact in so many peoples lives, felt they had nothing left to offer.  Not realizing that just by being, by living as a person who finally was showing the world the true person they were on the inside, gave hope to those trying to find that truth inside themselves.  That by living she added one more example that it is possible to be a truthful person in our expression to the world.  We need more people like this in the world, not less.  Unfortunately, whatever pain she internally felt overrode the incredible positiveness she gave out to so many and to our world.

In the past 18 hours I have once again been figuratively struck right across the face with one number, 41.  As in 41%.  As in 41% of all transgender people either attempt or succeed in suicide.  The ultimate act of desperation.  Why, oh why?  Why, in this blessed group of people, is this such a prevalent act?  If anyone is not struck by this I ask you think about that.  This is not simply a statistic. This number is representation of us, of people, of society.

I say we as a collective group of people, transgender people, are blessed because of the depth we have to go inside of ourselves to try and understand who we are and what it means to be transgender. We have to go deep inside and come to terms with this aspect of ourselves and love ourselves enough to step out bravely and show the world who we are.  Yet it is still incredibly hard to live as a transgender person, even today, even for me.  It is essential we have more transgender people being visible, living life, raising our kids, going to work and being productive in society.  In this way we can demystify what society sees as different, and thus less of a person.  In no way are any of us as transgender people less, in fact in many ways we are more.  We need to state that loud and clear everyday.  And my hope is that soon we will be looked upon as simply another member of society simply trying to navigate through this world.  This incredibly wonderful world.

In a previous message I posted here, Who Saved 2 Billion People, I point out that one simple action can have ripples across the world.  We may only see the rock dropping into the depths of the waters, yet the ripples that emanate out from that act can impact hundreds, thousands, millions, and perhaps even billions of others over time.  I challenge all of us to realize this fact.  Each act we do has ripples, ripples across the fabric of life that impact untold numbers of others.  I challenge each of us to ensure the ripples we create are positive ones.  That help may be given to only one person, helping them to become whole and true inside themselves.  Because that one person can impact billions, or maybe it is you that impacts billions.

To Lisa I say thank you.  Thank you for coming into my life.  Thank you for taking those pictures with me.  Thank you for talking with me.  Thank you for letting your light shine through the pain you felt inside.  Thank you for listening to me earlier this year and thus choosing to spend a far to short amount of additional time here with us, shining your light on all of us.  Letting your light brighten the darkness of so many still trying to figure out how they can become and live as the real person they were born to be.  And Lisa, I am sorry.  I am sorry I could not be there across these miles for you like I was earlier this year.  I am sorry I took for granted that you had made it through to the other side, where happiness at being a whole person resides.

As I am asked today "Hey How are you?" I can respond, "I am sad, incredibly sad for the physical loss of my friend here on earth.  I am mad that we have not made this world a place where it matters not that you are Transgender, or Gay, or Lesbian, or Bisexual, or Queer.  I am resolved to work harder for others to make it safe and celebratory to come out.  I feel so blessed that I will carry a small part of the light Lisa shined upon me forever in my life."  That is how I am.  Now, tell me, really tell me truthfully, "How Are You?"

Born in the Right Body

Katie Couric took on the subject of transgender kids on her talk show which aired February 26, 2013. I felt she handled the the topic very thoughtfully and without a lot of sensationalism while providing a lot of good information from medical and legal professionals.  Yet, I just had to shake my head as soon as I hear those 5 words uttered, Born In The Wrong Body.

When we are born we are assigned a label.  This label is the most defining label assigned to any person.  You are labeled male or female.  This label is assigned from strictly external visual cues determine by the genitalia exhibited by that baby’s body.  So that is it.  As a 1 minute old baby, their entire existence, personality, and possibly the professions that they can and cannot work in have now been predestined.  Ok.  Good job parents.  Your work here is done.

Silly, right?  But I am sure we can all agree that there is no way of knowing the talents of that child, what personality they will develop, what interests they will gravitate to, or in their quiet moments what lofty goal(s) they aspire to achieve.  And can we really know what "gender", that which the brain tells us we are, that the child will be.  But the label of male or female supposedly predetermines so much of what is expected of that child later in life.

This world we live in is imperfect and we as corporeal beings have imperfect vessels.  And one of those imperfections, for some of us, is that the external physical characteristics conflict with the chemistry of our brain and what it tells us about who we are.

In many cases, the physical characteristics of our body provide us certain limitations.  I just will never be the world’s fastest human in the 100 meter sprint, among many other things.  Am I trapped in the wrong body if I believe I can be or am the world’s fastest 100 meter sprinter?  No.

Does the person born with a physical challenge or disability say they were born in the wrong body?  Certainly not.  It is simply the majesty and imperfection of the incredible machine we call the body that creates these unfortunate situations.  Yet so many of the people that society labels disabled show us how much a person can achieve and become when you do not have the same acuities that many of us take for granted.

So is it not from our mind that comes our personality, our dreams, our aspirations to achieve whatever our hearts desire?

So back to the well-worn media phrase, Born In The Wrong Body.  My hope, my call to action, is that we eradicate this from the lexicon.  Because, I was born in the “right body”.  My body does not define who I am as a person or how I want the world to see me or what I aspire to achieve. Who I am, or anyone else is as a person, transgender or not, has nothing to do with our bodies.

I was born in the right body because it was the body I was born with.  Just that simple  My gender, that which my brain biologically developed into as I was nurtured safe within my mother’s womb, just ended up not matching the physical characteristics of my body.  We are born with the bodies we are born with.  They are not wrong, nor are they right.  They just are.  Perhaps we should simply borrow from the popular song and proclaim, "Baby, I was born this way".  Truly, this is closer to the truth than being born in the wrong body.

 

I have never been “Trapped In The Wrong Body” or “Born In The Wrong Body”.  I was just born into an imperfect body.  Yes, I struggled because of the incongruity between my mind and body.  That sense of self was in direct opposition to the external characteristics of my physical body.  But still, I was not born in the wrong body or mind or trapped in my body.  My body is only the vessel which carries my spirit or soul, the true essence of who I am.  In a way, regardless of being transgender or not, an argument can be made that we are all trapped in our own bodies?

And if we are all trapped in our bodies, shouldn’t we simply pay more attention to our minds and our spirit and nurture those thoughts and aspirations to be the best person we can be.  And for some of us that just might mean changing that first label we are given in that very first minute of life out in the bright, beautiful world.

We in the transgender community have taken this phrase, "Born In The Wrong Body", and without really thinking about it, used and overused it.  We need to eradicate this from any discussion we ever have about ourselves.  Take ownership of our selves.  You and I were born in the right body.  As right as any other person is born with.  What we do with our body and mind to become the best person we can be is of the most importance.  Now go out and be of sound mind and body and know your body is the right one for you, even if a remodeling of that body will be needed down the road.

Mystique Of A Natural Born Woman...

The current term is “Natural Born Woman”.  The definition….. Well I am not quite sure.  It has come into the lexicon because of the recent conversations surrounding the Miss Universe Pageants.  I do know that I don’t like this current triad as it connotes something that is very superficial and used in what I consider a prejudicial way.

I first noticed this term when Jenna Talackova was initially denied the right to compete in the Miss Canada competition.  This past weekend this term was used again, when the eventual winner of the Miss USA competition, Olivia Culpo, Miss Rhode Island, was asked as part of the interview round "Would you feel it would be fair that a transgender woman wins the Miss USA title over a natural-born woman?"

Natural Born Woman?  What the heck is a Natural Born Woman anyway?  What are the requirements for being classified as a Natural Born Woman, an NBW?  Let’s break this down, as the sports analyst will tells us.

Natural.  Through Dictionary.com we find the first definition is; 1. Existing in or formed by nature.  Ok, so I guess that would mean a person would need to have been created through a natural process of conception and child birth.  Since we do not yet create and birth our population through large tubes or farms where we grow people like plants, I guess we have narrowed this down to every single person formerly or currently living.

Born.  Back to Dictionary.com, my personal favorite.  I find the second definition of this word to be particularly useful in the situation; possessing from birth the quality, circumstances, or character stated.  So once again we come back to being born a human being in this world.  But we add to that, having a quality, a circumstance, or a character of some other stated condition. Part of this can be physical, but most of this is beyond the physical.  It is of the mind or the soul or the essence of who a person is.

If one is a NBW, then the stated condition of this phrase is Woman.  Ah, now we are to the crux of the entire matter.  Woman.  What is the definition of a woman?  What makes a woman a woman?  Guess where I go next?

The first two definitions I find a bit broad or circular in their definition; 1. the female human being; 2. an adult female person.  Definition number 4 is interesting and yet I find limiting; a wife.  So an unmarried person could not be defined as a woman?  By its very nature, the Miss Universe competitions are restricted to unmarried individuals.  Using this definition, then all of the contestants fail the NBW test.

I think definition number 5 gets more to the heart of the matter; the nature, characteristics, or feelings often attributed to women; womanliness.

I intuitively understand what those using the phrase NBW mean.  They are expressing that to be a NBW one needs to have been born with the genitalia associated with a female person.  I think we find in defining the individual words Natural Born Woman, genitalia has nothing to do with being a woman.  It can be part of distinguishing what a woman is.  But really, to limit the definition, the essence of being a woman, to strictly the genitals they were or weren’t born with, in my opinion is very demeaning to all women or any person for that matter.

So we return to the word Woman.  What are these mystical Natures, Characteristics or Feelings often attributed to women?  As a Transgender Woman I can only say how I have “felt”, my “feelings”, and I can say that they have always been in direct conflict with my male friends and family and how they expressed themselves.  These feelings have always been in conflict of the need of society to make me act, dress and look a certain way.  Thus I know and associate my feelings with those of being a woman.

My Characteristics had attempted to be molded by my parents and society to try and define me as the other males we see in society, yet, I never fully acted that way.  I was never able to be that kind of a person in the way I acted.

And my Nature, as I would define it, my inner soul or essence of the person I truly and honestly was born as, has always been what society would define as feminine or female or that of a woman.

Can anyone say that Jenna Talackova did not embody the Natures, Characteristics or Feelings often attributed to women?

In today’s medical and psychological world we now have a much greater understanding and can help individuals like myself to bring the exterior we present to the world in line with the definition that society claims is that of a woman.  Once the exterior is in line with the inner essence of a person can they truly become a Natural Born anything.

So can we now eliminate this phrase Natural Born Woman?  Because those that use this phrase, are not using it in a way that truly falls under the definition of the words this phrase contains and the phrase itself can define a whole host of women!!